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Facing denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started proposing manuscripts 50 years back, right after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. During the recent two decades, focusing on commentary, the refusals have only increased. In a typical week, I receive a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 times a year. Overall, rejections over my career run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

However, is this a complaining rant? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Have I Managed This?

Some context: Now, just about each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, an editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. In 2016, at least 50 editors rejected my manuscript before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 literary agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would these people be ignore my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (often accompanied by false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Worse, I can never become successful.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Precedents

Of course, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose books was initially turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Many American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were rejected numerous times. For him, denial as an alarm to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the last step of rejection. Peace. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and read my submission hastily to see its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my writing style, especially dashes, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, another, a autobiography, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have featured in publications large and small, in diverse sources. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better handle no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the blows of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection all wrong. What insights have I acquired?

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